My sister forwarded this news story to me regarding a friend, John Allen, who went to Lipscomb University with us. Very cool story!Nita Andrews, left, and Kendra Allen kiss Wilder Andrews Allen May 9 in Nashville. Nita Andrews was a surrogate mother for Kendra Allen and gave birth to Wilder in January.
Couples say faith, prayers part of surrogacy success
Women's friendship allowed Nashville family to welcome new baby
By BOB SMIETANA, The Tennessean Monday, May 19, 2008
NASHVILLE - Nita Andrews is the kind of friend you call when life falls apart.
So when Kendra Allen lay in a maternity ward at Baptist Hospital in Nashville two years ago, giving birth to her son John Wilson - whose heart had already stopped beating - Nita was there.
And when Kendra and her husband, John, were still paralyzed with grief, Nita and her husband, Al, planned the baby's memorial service.
In January, the two friends were back in the maternity ward. This time, Nita was giving birth, as surrogate mother for Wilder Andrews Allen, son of Kendra and John. It's not uncommon for some women to serve as surrogate mothers for hire, but Nita chose it as an act of love for a beloved friend.
The Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology reported 256 surrogate births in 2006, while a recent informal survey by Newsweek found at least 400 instances in 2007. Some surrogates in the U.S. can be paid $25,000 or more for carrying a child, but for the Allens and the Andrewses, their surrogacy experience was about faith and friendship. No money changed hands.
Recently, the friends sat on the couch at the Allen house near Belmont University and tried to settle Wilder down long enough to get his picture taken. Kendra gave him a bottle, while Nita cooed and smiled at him.
"There's Momma Nita," Kendra told her 3-month-old son, as John and Al looked on.
The couples have known each other for nearly 10 years. All of them work as counselors and run in the same professional circles. And both families are members of St. Bartholomew's Episcopal Church in Nashville.
In many ways, the four seem like an old married couple. They finish each other's sentences, poke fun at one another and cry easily while recounting the story of Wilder's birth.
"We had fears - we were holding our breath all the time," Kendra said, "but there was just this undercurrent of … we are going one step at a time further down the path."
It began in 2006, when Kendra's doctors told her she would never be able to have another child. She had developed a serious condition requiring weeks of bed rest and intravenous fluids while carrying her daughter, Caroline, now 4. Her second pregnancy was even worse, and doctors warned she might not survive a third one.
The Allens considered adoption but eventually ruled it out and began thinking about finding a surrogate mother.
Kendra asked Nita and other friends to pray for her. Nita supported the idea but never thought of herself as a viable candidate.
For one thing, Nita was almost 49. She also had difficult pregnancies in the past, ruling out a normal delivery. When another surrogate candidate dropped out, Nita volunteered, provided she could have a Caesarean section.
There were several hurdles to overcome before the surrogacy could proceed. Not only did she need medical approval, but Nita also had to reach a legal agreement with the Allens. Although she would carry their child, Nita would have no parental rights.
The two couples also sought spiritual advice. Kendra and Nita met with the Rev. Jerry Smith, rector of St. Bartholomew's. He offered his blessing and pledged the church's support but also talked through the ethical issues.
Getting the support of their church family was essential, John said.
"In a church family - it's like a family in the best sense of the word," he said. "Some people bring casseroles, some people take Caroline to school, some people helped us pack, and some people would attend to your soul - that is what Nita and Al did."
Nita got the medical go-ahead to serve as a surrogate in 2007, around Easter. That was fitting, she says, as she saw her pregnancy as an act of redemption, of God bringing something good out of the pain the Allens had suffered.
The process began with seven weeks of hormone shots, designed to fool Nita's body into accepting the Allens' child.
Once Nita's body was prepared, doctors implanted one of Kendra's eggs, which had been fertilized with John's sperm. Then it was more shots and a long waiting process that stretched everyone's faith.
"We were going to pray about this and trust God, but a lot of people trust God for good things and they don't happen," Al said. "And we knew that it was a distinct possibility."
Overall, Nita's pregnancy went smoothly and Wilder Andrews Allen arrived in good health.
Since Wilder's birth, the Allens have adjusted to the chaos that a newborn brings, while the Andrewses have returned to life as normal.
While the Andrewses will always remain close to Wilder, they say it's time for them to fade into the background. They have two sons of their own, Hunter, 14, and Brent, 11.
Besides, they say, bringing up Wilder is the Allens' job, not theirs.
"It's not like we're going to be standing over their shoulders making sure he eats his broccoli," Al said.
