I had always
wanted a large family, which in my mind meant having 4 children. But in the
spring of 2004, with 2 and 4 year old boys, Mark and I found ourselves
especially exasperated as parents once again. Our introduction to parenthood
was very intense for us four years before, making us wonder at a very base
level, "Would we do this over again if we knew??" I'm not sure we
ever verbalized that, but it was felt. Our first son, wonderful as he is, was
incredibly challenging the first several years - a high-need, strong-willed,
persistent child. Feeling maxed out with two children, Mark verbalized "we
are done" and was considering a vasectomy. Though I, too, felt overwhelmed
and frustrated, I was saddened by his oncoming decision and asked him to pray
about it with an open heart. He has since mentioned that he did not want to
pray about it (he just wanted to be done!), but I'm so thankful he did.
Practically speaking, I knew that neither Mark nor I were exactly easy-going
people - perhaps we just weren't cut out for more! Our continual prayers
regarding our struggles with frustration and anger seemed to have no end in
sight. Here we were once again, feeling like we were against a wall, on our
knees crying out to God.
That week while working at Nurtured Family, Mark noticed a quote at the bottom of a customer’s e-mail:
"The Bible calls debt
a curse and children a blessing. But in our culture, we apply for a curse and
reject blessings. Something is wrong with this picture."
When Mark asked
about it, the customer, Christine, responded with her testimony. She had become
pregnant as a teenager, but was encouraged not to marry her boyfriend because
he would not be a good choice. Late in her pregnancy, God brought a wonderful
man, Pete, into her life (their first date was 4 days before her son was born)
and they later married. Pete adopted and loved her son as his own. After the
birth of their daughter, they decided on a vasectomy. As Christine says,
"We had a very selfish attitude. Our son was high maintenance, and we
thought that we could never handle any more like that. We didn't know what God
said about it, but we ‘acted’ like we had prayed about it. When actually, we
had told God what we were going to do, instead of the other way around."
Later, a mission trip to an orphanage in Mexico opened Christine's heart to
children. With a burden on her heart for children, she wondered just what had
they done? But on top of these questions, Christine was suffering from major
female problems - severe pain, endometriosis - and was scheduled for a full
hysterectomy at the age of 25. When she mentioned to Pete the desire for more
children and the desire to put family planning in God's hands, he was not in
agreement. But Christine responded, "don't tell me now, pray about it, see
what the Lord lays on your heart and we'll go from there." Just days
later, Pete said, "let's have the vasectomy reversal done!" and it
turned out that insurance even paid for it! After making that decision,
Christine had no more pain in her ovaries or uterus, and the hysterectomy was
not needed. Now, Pete & Christine have two vasectomy reversal babies and
are open to welcoming as many children as God will give them.
Later that week,
Mark received an e-mail asking for a door prize for a ladies’ retreat. I went
to check out the website of the ministry, and the focus was on surrendering to
God – including the areas of motherhood and even family planning. How very
'coincidental' for this e-mail to come our way, the very week we started
praying regarding children. We were especially surprised when we asked the lady
who was requesting a door prize how she’d heard of us. We assumed that she knew
we were a Christian company based in Houston, just an hour from where the
retreat would be. But, no - she had found us through a Yahoo! Search, and had
no idea. Also that week, Mark ran into a lady with ten children running around
at a nearby park. It turned out that they were her children and her sister’s
children. She and Mark had an encouraging conversation regarding turning
control over to God regarding family planning. Lastly, to top off that week
(and perhaps the strangest thing for me to witness)… Mark actually encouraged
me to attend the ladies’ retreat to check things out for myself, since we were
receiving a consistent message since we began praying. That was really
something, knowing how Mark wanted the answer to our prayers to be "no
more children."
I'd seen God work in such "coincidental" ways before. Not believing any of this was actually chance, I did attend the retreat. While there, I felt as if the Lord was taking a pair of tinted glasses away from my eyes. I had grown numb to how my culture truly viewed children -- and I had bought into it. I had bought into the idea that raising children was a burden - an inconvenience that I should put a halt to in the name of stewardship. I had paid lip service to the idea that children were a blessing, but deep down felt that this was an overwhelming phase of life that I longed to get under control (my control!). Studying scripture that weekend, I saw a picture of God's vision for family that I was previously blind to. It was a picture of abundance, inheritance, legacy, and blessing, which we had never truly taken to heart. The weekend was also incredible due to seeing a whole new picture of large families. Here were mothers of 6, 10... 14 children, who were joyful, beautiful and vibrant - not falling apart, depressed and haggard as our culture would suggest. It was inspiring to hear how their families functioned, with joyful teamwork and community. These families had a spirit of dependence on the Lord and a passion for Him that was contagious - and it was rubbing off on their children.
Mark and I felt that the Lord’s answer for us was to receive His blessing of children. If it was His will, then I knew that He would deal with our hearts. And He has.
I'd seen God work in such "coincidental" ways before. Not believing any of this was actually chance, I did attend the retreat. While there, I felt as if the Lord was taking a pair of tinted glasses away from my eyes. I had grown numb to how my culture truly viewed children -- and I had bought into it. I had bought into the idea that raising children was a burden - an inconvenience that I should put a halt to in the name of stewardship. I had paid lip service to the idea that children were a blessing, but deep down felt that this was an overwhelming phase of life that I longed to get under control (my control!). Studying scripture that weekend, I saw a picture of God's vision for family that I was previously blind to. It was a picture of abundance, inheritance, legacy, and blessing, which we had never truly taken to heart. The weekend was also incredible due to seeing a whole new picture of large families. Here were mothers of 6, 10... 14 children, who were joyful, beautiful and vibrant - not falling apart, depressed and haggard as our culture would suggest. It was inspiring to hear how their families functioned, with joyful teamwork and community. These families had a spirit of dependence on the Lord and a passion for Him that was contagious - and it was rubbing off on their children.
Mark and I felt that the Lord’s answer for us was to receive His blessing of children. If it was His will, then I knew that He would deal with our hearts. And He has.
Now, when facing
frustration, we wrestle down the impulse to halt all things causing it. We now realize that the desire to put a stop
to our growing family was rooted in fear & control – though masked behind
words like “responsibility” or “stewardship.”
When we really dug in with sincerity, we found that our heart motives
were selfishness and the desire for convenience. With parenthood (or just daily life on planet
earth!) we will often be quite uncomfortable, walking a path full of what feels
like chaos & frustration. When you
make decisions to reign in the chaos, stop and ask yourself if control is
lurking behind your decision (with fear
hiding right behind control). Paths full
of more of God’s blessings are usually more challenging, and keep us on our
knees. The goal is not to put an end to
chaos, but to let chaos be our reminder to continually lean on the Lord’s
grace. The Lord has given me this verse
as a real cornerstone in mothering:
…He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My
power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast
about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Cor. 2:9
God's answer for
our family regarding children looks like a major burden to the world. Yet His
Kingdom heart loves abundance. We get a
picture of that in Psalm 128, “Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the
very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your
table.” Now that we’re more than a dozen
years past His answer to prayer, we’re seeing many things come to fruition, and
we’re so thankful for the path He invited us on. How much more-so will we see the reality of
what He’s gifted us with when we’re on the other side, living in the heavenly
Kingdom with all of these children in His army? His ways are not our ways, and
His wisdom appears foolish to man. Yet
following His wisdom brings ultimate freedom and incredible blessing,
One of the coolest things about this experience was simply the joy that comes from experiencing God and resting in Him. How amazing that when I seek the Lord concerning the details of my life, He is all too eager to give His guidance. His love is intimate – He really cares. Every area of my life that I’m willing to surrender to Him will be made new by allowing Him in.
